Over the last few weeks, God has really been quietly whispering His love, grace, and peace to me through the things around me. I have been wrestling through some frustrating circumstances, and I’ve really wondered sometimes whether I’m where God wants me.
Ten years ago, when I was just barely starting my “real” life, if you would have asked me what I saw for myself in my future, I really don’t think I would have pointed to everything right now. Yes, I saw myself as a mother and wife. I was pretty sure I would have a job, but never in a thousand years did I expect it would be in retail. I thought we would have a house, but I did not picture having school loans and other sobering life experiences. I do not have any regrets; I love my family, and at least I have a job. Things just aren’t what I expected them to be like.
I was in the car, by myself (which happens next to never lately), on my way to work the other day. I was having a hard time getting motivated to even go to work, and I was trying to pray through that feeling of apathy. I remember saying something along the lines of “God, I don’t like what I’m doing now. Is this really what You have for me? Why do I feel stuck in this dead-end job, not going anywhere? But starting over costs so much (i.e. loss of benefits and pay). So now I really feel stuck. I never intended to be working this job this long.” Then I sensed His whisper: “Why are you so worried about the money? Haven’t I provided for you your entire life?” Then I realized that I have been so focused on the money part of working that I have forgotten everything else. I’ve been afraid to move forward because I don’t want to battle the cost of “starting over.”
But, God gives us dreams for a reason. If we spend all our time in the in-between, waiting for the right time to move, in our terms, we miss the opportunity for God to give us our dreams.
God reminded me that it is ok to dream and to still believe that there is more to life than paying bills. He can and will redeem and make new any and every situation in life. All I need to do is believe that He will do it, and to keep dreaming of things bigger than myself.
Check out “The Redeemer” by Sanctus Real for more on what God has been showing me.